Magic Headphones Cause Chaos
by Negligible1
Summary: The latest edition of Magic Headphones from the Mitchia Company has just been released, so Mirajane, having just bought a pair, decides to bring them with her to the guildhall and meets up with everyone's favourite team (no, not Team Shadow Gear) and chaos ensues.


**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Magic Headphones Cause Chaos.**

Mirajane Strauss, a beautiful, white haired young woman of below average height with a curvaceous figure walked into Fairy Tails rebuilt guildhall, beautifully designed by Mira herself it looked exactly like her plans, aside from the lack of demon and dragon statues, both of which should breathe fire, but it was a small sacrifice for a wonderful building.

She skipped, literally skipped, into the guild, in her hands was a box beautiful decorated with the Mitchia Company logo and an image of the product inside, the latest edition of the Magic Headphones.

"Mira-san" Lucy was sat at the bar and smiled at her when she slipped behind the bar "You look cheerful."

Mira smiled brightly "Look, look, I just got the latest edition of Mitchia Company's Magic Headphones" she presented the box to Lucy, intent on showing just about everyone she met her brand new buy.

"Oh?" Lucy took a look at the box, she hadn't heard about this, then again with everything that had happened recently she hadn't had much time to keep up with modern developments.

"Yeah, they can store 10,000 songs, plus you can buy these separate Lacrima crystals which affect the music, I bought some Sound Enhancement Lacrima, which increase the clarity of music" Mira was still smiling brilliantly, so very happy with her purchase.

Lucy smiled at Mira shining face, Mira may be Fairy Tails drawing card but she could be so childish sometimes, and it was very cute "What kind of music does Mira-san listen too?" she asked politely, finding the chat with the barmaid a welcome distraction from the destruction that was bound to occur the moment she and Natsu left on a mission.

Mira placed a finger on her cheek in a cute manner "Well…" she smiled brilliantly "I guess I like all of it. What about you, Lucy?"

She didn't have a chance to answer as… "Are those brand new Magic Headphones from Mitchia Company?" Erza commented leaning over Lucy's shoulder.

"Yeah!" Mira cheered "I just bought them."

"I see, I was considering buying some myself, but unfortunately I didn't have the time to pre-order a pair."

"Oh?" Lucy leaned her chin on his hand "What kind of music does Erza listen too?"

Erza blinked a moment, then her face went bright red "E-err, well, I mean, um, err, well I…"

Lucy blinked, since when did Erza stutter? It was… it was so cute, and Erza was _not_ cute, Erza was strong and beautiful but certainly not cute, and what did she have to stutter about anyway it wasn't that strange or private a question.

A pink haired blob of hair appeared in between Erza and Lucy "Whatcha doing?" Natsu asked poking his head through his two female teammate's shoulders. Happy, now happily sat on the bar in front of Lucy, gave his usual "Aye!"

"Hmm, something going on?" Gray peeked in over Natsu joining the fray.

"Oh!" they both exclaimed "Those are the new magic headphones aren't they?" Gray said with an excitement uncommon for him "Happy was pestering me to order a set, but I didn't have the money" Natsu said sadly, gazing at the box longingly.

'_And whose fault is that?' _Lucy moaned mentally, their entire earnings from the previous mission had gone to restoring the ancient monument Natsu had been particularly told not to destroy, the reason it needed restoring was obvious, Natsu had destroyed it.

Mira snapped her fingers "I've just thought of something great!" she smiled at the team surrounding her "Why don't we all pick our favourite song and sing it."

"S-sing?" Lucy and Erza said startled. Erza quickly started on voice exercises while Lucy started pulling out her hair. She couldn't sing, not here in front of people.

"Great idea Mira!" Natsu shouted, jumping with joy.

Gray scratched his head "That's kind of dumb…" he stopped as Mira started snivelling "I mean it's the best idea I've ever heard of lets definitely do that, Lucy go first!" with that the packaging was ripped apart and the headphones slammed over her ears.

Mira clapped joyously as the others started closing in on Lucy crowding around to listen to her sing.

"Why do I have to go first?!" Lucy screamed. But did so anyway, she seriously put up with all sorts of shit because of this team, this was something minor, embarrassing but minor. She quietly flicked through songs before she found her favourite, something that she had played often even while she was still Lucy Heartfilia rather than Lucy of Fairy Tail, though admittedly she hadn't listened to it much since joining Fairy Tail.

"Da da da da" she breathed the words slowly, closing her eyes in an attempt to ignore the people listening to her "The smell of your skin lingers on me now, You're probably on your flight back to your hometown, I need some shelter of my own protection baby, Be with myself and centre, clarity, peace, serenity."

'_Wow, Lucy has a really nice singing voice' _was the thought running through just about everyone's mind as they listened to the blonde girl sing.

"I hope you know, I hope you know, That this has nothing to do with you, Its personal myself and I, We've got some straightening out to do, And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket, But I've got to a get a move on with my life, It's time to be a big girl now… And big girls don't cry, Don't cry, Don't Cry, Don't cry" all was forgotten as she sank into the song she had sung a hundred times before, even the people listening no longer mattered. A smile spread across her face at the comforting lyrics and she was no longer in the guildhall, she was under her covers listening to this song while ignoring the life of a rich girl she had to face outside.

"The path that I'm walking, I must go alone, I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown, Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they? And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay" her head nodded coming into the chorus "I hope you know, I hope you know, That this has nothing to do with you…"

Happy rested his head against Natsu's arm, who had taken a barstool next to Lucy and they both listened contentedly to Lucy's voice. It was beautiful and melodic, and strangely comforting, though that may have been because they heard her all the time singing in the shower.

"…And big girls don't cry. Like the little schoolmate in the schoolyard, We'll play jacks and Uno cards, I'll be your best friend and you'll be my valentine. Yes you can hold my hand if you want to, 'Cause I want to hold your too, We'll be playmates and lovers, And share our secret worlds."

'_This song really fits Lucy' _Mira and Erza, former most hated rivals had exactly the same thought watching the blonde with a smile on both their faces.

"But it's time for me to go home, It's getting late dark outside, I need to be with myself and centre, clarity, peace, serenity. I hope you know, I hope you know, That this has nothing to do with you, It's personal myself and I, We've got some straightening out to do."

"And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket, But I've got to get a move on with my life, It's time to be a big girl now, And big girls don't cry, Don't cry, Don't cry, Don't cry."

Gray wasn't looking at Lucy, his face flushed, it wasn't his fault that Lucy had such a beautiful voice and that he had only just noticed it now.

Lucy let out a long breath then opened her eyes, and remembered where she was and who surrounded her and her own face went beet red. She looked down at the bar and tried to ignore them, chancing a look around when none of the horrible taunts from Happy came forth.

She found Mira and Erza smiling wonderful caring smiles at her, Natsu and Happy with their eyes closed but not asleep, she could tell by the lack of snoring, and Gray looking anywhere but her.

"Um?"

"That was beautiful Lucy, we should get you singing on the stage sometime" Mira said clasping her hands before her breasts and moving in close to Lucy's face to show her excitement.

"Um, right…" _'No way am I singing on stage' _Lucy kept that thought internal though "So how about you go next Mira-san?"

"Hmm, sure" Mira took the headphones from her and placed them over her own ears, quietly finding her own favourite song before settling down.

'_I wonder what Mira will choose?' _Lucy wondered, resting her chin on a palm and watching with the rest of her team as Mira slowly nodded her head through the intro a truly contented look on her face _'Probably something sweet and beautiful, maybe something romantic, or about friendship, she's always singing about friendship isn't she?'_

And they all waited the few seconds longer till Mira started singing in her wonderful, beautiful voice, a voice worthy of only angels yet possessed by a girl formerly feared as the Demon.

And all their expectations came crashing down.

"You let me violate you" the first line, Lucy blinked _'Huh?' _"You let me desecrate you" Gray frowned "You let me _penetrate _you" Erza scowled in confusion "You let me complicate you" Natsu scratched his head "Help me, I broke apart my insides, Help me, I've got no soul to sell, Help me, The only thing that work for me, Help me get away from myself. I wanna fuck you like an animal" Lucy screamed, unheard by Mira through the headphones "I wanna feel you from the inside" Erza flushed "I wanna fuck you like an animal" Gray stared incredulously "My whole existence is flawed" Natsu grinned, he had finally figured out what the song was, younger Mira used to listen to it all the time "You get me closer to god!"

Mira kept bobbing her head to the music unaware of the depraved thoughts she had caused in all of three of her guild mates, the others too stupid to think of them or a cat and cats didn't think of such things after all they were only cats.

"You can have my isolation, You can have the hate that it brings, You can have my absence of faith, You can have my everything" she smiled "Help me, Tear down my reason" she opened her eyes and gazed hazily at Erza and Lucy, eyes awash with lust and pleasure "Help me, It's your sex I can smell" they both blushed, Mira ignored that and raised a finger placing it gently against her cheek "Help me, You make me perfect" she smiled flirtatiously "Help me become somebody else."

Gray was ripping out his hair, sweet innocent Mira was actually… was actually,,, ARGH he couldn't bear it.

Natsu meanwhile was nodding calmly along to the beat not at all bothered by the revelation that once Scary Mira then Caring Mira was still Scary Mira despite being Caring Mira, and Happy was nodding along with him.

"I wanna fuck you like an animal, I wanna feel you from the inside, I wanna fuck you like an animal, My whole existence if flawed, You get me closer to god!"

For a while they were left to stew, Natsu nodding to the beat that thanks to Dragon Slayer enhanced hearing he could hear despite the sound blocking headphones, Lucy and Gray struggling past the former mentioned revelation and Erza past her own dirty thoughts, damn erotic fiction, damn it to hell, or rather her bookshelf, that's definitely where Erza would prefer it.

"Through every forest" _'It isn't over yet' _Lucy could've cried just then, she wasn't sure how much more she could take "Above the trees" _'Just make it end' _Gray begged "Within my stomach" Erza was still lost in her own thoughts, read as perverted fantasies "Scraped off my knees" Natsu bobbed his head "I drink the honey" Happy blinked, did someone mention honey? Honey glazed fish was nice to eat, not as nice as raw fish but sometimes some variance made things all the nicer "Inside your hive" the words didn't help Erza thoughts, unless by help you meant descend deeper into the bowls of erotic fantasy "You are the reason… I stay alive" Mira let out a long, slow, _shuddering_ breath, that didn't _really_ help Gray, who had gone from life shattering revelation to his own perverse thoughts, as she finished the lyrics and listened contentedly to the final minute and a bit of the song that was purely instrumental.

When she took of the headphones she was greeted with the sight of Natsu grinning brightly, he liked that song he decided, he didn't get the lyrics but he liked it, Erza blushing, still lost in her dirty thoughts, Lucy crying into the bar, her image of the perfect Mira-san had been utterly shattered, shat upon, burnt, then crudely reassembled in order to maintain some semblance of normality, Gray flushed and not looking at her and Happy asleep, all that nodding made him sleepy.

"What about you Gray?" Mira asked offering him the headphones.

"Hmm, me?" Gray took them and searched for his own favourite song, anything to get his mind off of what he had just heard.

"So what do you think it'll be?" Lucy asked conspiringly to her two companions, Mira and Happy didn't count as one was asleep and the other was watching Gray patiently.

"Icebox, Omarion" Erza replied instantly.

'_Icebox huh, are all our favourite songs just going to be puns… of course they are' _she sighed.

"I think it's more likely to be Hot in Herre by Nelly" Natsu put in.

"Because of the line 'Take of all your clothes'?" Lucy asked.

Natsu nodded to her question.

'_As good a method as any' _they all turned to Gray as he said 'Ha' out loud, having finally found it.

"See, here's the thing" he said starting "We have to take our clothes off" they all sighed at that, except Mira "We have to party all night, We have to take our clothes off, To have a good time, Oh no, no, no."

'_Stripper themed, the points go to Natsu, but he only gets half of them because he wasn't entirely correct.'_

"Excuse me miss, I couldn't help but to notice how alone you are, I dig the attitude and how you acting like you own the bar, Got me flashing keys and I don't even own a car, Front like you ain't feeling my charm because I know you are" he leaned forwards until he was almost kissing Lucy "I'm trying to see how your lips feel" and his next words were muffled due to Lucy's hand shoving him back which coincidently covered his mouth "…and I'm pretty much a big deal" he continued once released "Oh you never heard of me, Hmm that sounds absurd to me, The way you stole my attention was flat out burglary, What do you say let's exit stage left so me and you can, Possibly reconvene and play some naked peekaboo, Cause after all the blouse your wearing is kind see-through and it's obvious I'm heading wherever you're leading me to. Such an angel with a devilish angle, I'm quite the certified sweet talker, And you buying every line of it girl and I don't really blame you, If I was in your shoes I'd probably do the same too."

As they returned to the chorus Natsu sighed, Gray's voice got on his nerves in regular conversation, singing it was like nails down a blackboard, at least it was in his horribly biased opinion, and so he was forced to cover his ears and burying his head in his arms and it still wasn't blocked out completely, damn Dragon Slayer hearing.

"Now here's another barn burner for the slower learners, Put your helmets on and take a seat on the short bus, Next stop right around the corner from your momma" he mumbled something here but Lucy couldn't make it out, and Natsu was struggling not to listen, and Erza was admiring Gray's voice as was Mira and even they couldn't figure it out, oh and Happy was sleeping, mustn't forget Happy, he gets annoyed when people forget him "No turning back so you better buckle up. Shit don't be concerned with mine, I feel like a speak and spell way I got you learning my lines, Fine pull the string replay that shit, I change my name to 'Did he really just say that shit?' yep."

Lucy was rather bored, unlike Mira's which was rather shocking Gray's was kind of… normal, and thinking about it rather obvious and… well maybe she was already bored of listening to people sing.

"I'll take a mile if you let me, Six-five two hundred plus and so sexy, My legs going numb from keep my phone of vibrate, To hide the fact your girlfriend keeps textin' me, And I've been tryin' to never mind it man, But every time I get new number she finds it, Damn, And you thought you had it swen up, Until right around amazing o'clock when I showed up…"

And it was at this point that Natsu fell asleep, so let's pick it up a few minutes later.

"Oi, Natsu, wake up" Lucy elbowed the snoring boy in the ribs.

He looked up at her through bleary eyes "Lucy" he looked around "'s going on?

"We're singing favorite songs, remember?"

"My turn yet?" he asked yawning.

"No… its Erza's" Lucy turned to the redhead who was steadfastly refusing to sing her favorite song despite Mira pestering her, Gray had also been pestering her but after he was smashed into a nearby wall he had decided wisely not to try again and sat to one side _'What is it that fearless Erza refuses to sing it?'_

Natsu sighed and grabbed the headphones from Erza's grasp, pressing the play button.

"No wait Natsu" Erza cried trying to stop him.

"Is it still me that makes you sweat? Am I who you think about in bed? When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as your sliding off your dress?"

Lucy's face went red, Gray was once again sent into shock, Happy blinked, he was awake now in case you hadn't realized, and Mira clapped, she knew it, she just knew it, Erza had always been a closet perv and her musical choices reflected that.

"Then think of what you did, And how I hope to god he was worth it, When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch your skin, I've got more wit, A better kiss, Hotter touch, A better fuck, Than any boy you'll ever meet, Sweetie you had me, Girl I was it look past the sweat, A better love deserving of" Lucy took a moment to glance at the flushing Erza, so this is why she didn't want to sing it? Not only was it embarrassing as hell it was also sung by a guy _'Though that didn't stop Mira' _she sighed and tuned back in "No, no, no, you know it will always just be me. Let's get these teen hearts beating faster, faster! So testosterone boy and harlequin girls, Will you dance to this beat and hold and hold a lover closer? So testosterone boy and harlequin girls, Will you dance to this beat and hold and hold a lover closer? So I guess were back to us, So cameraman swing the focus, In case I lost my train of thought, Where was it that we last left off?" Natsu scratched his head, where had he left off, was that question posed to him? "Oh now I do recall, We were just getting to the part" thankfully he was good at quick thinking, long academic thinking was beyond him naturally "Where the shock set in and the stomach acid find a new way to make you get sick" was it Lucy's imagination or was he staring specifically at her "I hope you didn't expect, To get all of all the attention" no he definitely was, she blushed as he leant closer "Let's not get selfish, Did you really think I'd let you kill this chorus? Let's get these teen hearts beating faster, faster!"

She blushed even once he leant back and stopped looking even in her general direction, barely paying attention to the passing lyrics.

"Dance to this beat! Dance to this beat! Dance to this beat! Let's gets these teen hearts beating faster, faster, Let's get these teens heart beast faster…" suddenly we was in front of Erza, leaning down over the flushing red head, she only noticed him at the last moment, and by then was completely pinned "I've got more wit" his eyes seemed to bore into her "A better kiss" his lips were so close "Hotter touch" his fingers trailed over her bare arm leaving red marks from his hot fingers "A better fuck, Than any boy you'll ever meet" brown and black were almost next to each other he was that close "Sweetie you had me" then he stepped back.

Erza couldn't think save, since when was Natsu so flirtatious, did Natsu even know what flirting was, did he understand at all. She never saw Mira's drawing pad where the silver haired girl had drawn the exact situation, in a rather childish stick figure like manner (no don't cry Mira, please). Mira wasn't known as the Demon for nothing.

"So testosterone boys and harlequin girls, Dance to this beat, And hold a lover close, Let's get these teen hearts beating faster, faster, Let gets these teen hearts beating faster."

Natsu sat back down, unaware of the Erza overactive imagination, Lucy writer-esque imagination, and Gray's normal imagination all of which were now certain that Natsu liked Erza and taking it in different ways. Erza was imaging _things_, hot naked sex in case you were wondering, Lucy was imaging a beautiful love confession before a crimson dawn, and Gray was thinking about how, if Natsu and Erza started dating, Erza would beat him up less and Natsu more. Meanwhile Mira had a malicious smirk on her face, quickly replaced by her kindly smile, and Happy was a cat, so he didn't know what to make of the situation.

"Here you go Happy, pick your favorite song?" Natsu placed the headphones down over the cat's ears.

Recovering Lucy stretched _'I wonder what kind of music Happy listens too, well no matter what it is, I won't be shocked, Mira and Erza's have pretty much worn away any shock I have.'_

Erza pressed her perverted thoughts to one side and focused on Happy's musical choice, while Gray did the same and Mira smiled cheerfully.

"Natsu, help me out" Happy urged the pink haired boy.

Natsu nodded "Mr. Happy, thanks for coming to your performance review."

"No problem" Happy answered arrogantly.

"So you're in charge around here, is that fair to say?"

"Absolutely, I'm the boss" Lucy almost sighed _'For some reason I expected this.'_

"Okay, so take us through a day in the life of 'the boss'."

"Well, the first thing I do is…" Happy stood dramatically "Talk to corporate (Like a boss!)" Natsu inputted the 'like a boss', in case you were wondering "Approve memos (Like a boss!), Lead a workshop (Like a boss!), Remember birthdays (Like a boss!), Direct workflow (Like a boss!), My own bathroom" why was it they all pictured a litter tray just then… well, probably because Happy was a cat "(Like a boss!), Micromanage (Like a boss!), Promote Synergy (Like a boss!), Hit on Debra (Like a boss!), Get rejected" strangely the image of a certain newly joined white cat companion to a blue haired dragon slayer popped into everyone's minds just then "(Like a boss!), Swallow sadness (Like a boss!), Send some faxes (Like a boss!), Call a sex line" did they have kitty sex lines… actually, let's not go there, no really let's not "(Like a boss!), Cry deeply (Like a boss!), Demand a refund (Like a boss!), Eat a mackerel" did he just change the lyrics you might be wondering, well yeah he did, but no one noticed "(Like a boss!), Harassment lawsuit" _'Maybe I should file for one of them' _Lucy wondered thinking of all the abuse she suffered at the words of the blue cat "(Like a boss!), No promotion (Like a boss!), Fifth of vodka (Like a boss!), Shit on Debra desks" well, he was cat so it was excusable "(Like a boss!), Buy a gun (Like a boss!), In my mouth (Like a boss!)… 'Oh fuck man, I can't fucking do it… shit!' Pussy out (Like a boss!), Puke on Debra's desk (Like a boss!), Jump out the window" he had wings so he'd be fine "(Like a boss!), Suck a dude's dick" _'It's just a song, just a song' _Gray told himself desperately trying to keep his mind from picturing bestiality porn "(Like a boss!), Score some coke" didn't Gray introduce him to coke, Cola obviously, Lucy was more than certain of that "(Like a boss!), Crash my car (Like a boss!), Suck my own dick" he was a cat, all cats could do that "(Like a boss!), Eat some chicken strips (Like a boss!), Chop my balls off" did Happy even have balls, he always wandered around starkers and showed no genitalia, so how the hell did Exceed mate? Once again, let's not go there "(Like a boss!), Black out in the sewer (Like a boss!), Meet a giant fish (Like a boss!), Fuck its brain outs" _'He couldn't edit it to eat or something' _Lucy wanted to scream "(Like a boss!), Turn into a jet" he had wings, as pointed out before, so it wasn't much of a leap just the addition of a few jet engines "(Like a boss!), Bomb the Council (Like a boss!), Crash into the sun (Like a boss!), Now I'm dead (Like a boss!)."

Natsu turned to Happy and Happy turned to Natsu "Uh huh, so that's and… average day for you then?"

"No doubt."

"You chop your balls off and die?"

"Hell yeah."

"And I think at one point there you said something about sucking your own dick."

"Nope."

"Actually I'm pretty sure you did."

"Nah, that ain't me."

"Okay, well this has been eye opening for me."

"I'm the boss."

"Yeah, I know, I got that. You said it about four hundred times."

"I'm the boss"

"Yeah, yeah, I got it."

"I'm the boss."

"Okay I heard you, bye."

They both turned to face their companions "LIKE A BOSS!"

'_This has been eye opening for me too'_ Lucy realized in the aftermath of Happy's stunning song, literally Gray was sat there slack jawed, Erza and Mira had similar looks of astounded shock, while Natsu and Happy waited and Lucy was unresponsive _'Erza's a pervert, Gray's exactly what I expected, Happy listens to odd music, and Mira is…' _she couldn't continue that thought. Sweet beautiful Mira, Lucy could barely accept that that wonderful woman liked songs so disturbed.

"Happy" Mira and Erza shouted "I never realized you had such a lovely singing voice."

"Aye!"

Lucy slammed her head into the bar _'Oh, for god sakes.'_

"Wait a second, we're not done" Gray said loudly, over Mira and Erza's compliments and Lucy's inner rant "Natsu, you're last, I guess."

"Oh, right" Natsu took the headphones from Happy and placed them over his own ears.

Natsu started nodded quite quickly, then he was on his feet playing an air guitar rather violently.

"Well, at least Natsu conforms to expectations" Mira gave her a look "He looks like the type who'd enjoy some heavy metal" she explained.

Erza smiled in agreement while Gray 'tsked' and Happy smiled oddly.

Lucy watched him amusedly as he kept up his air guitar-ing, he would probably sing something about rebellion, that's what rockers sang about wasn't it, either way it would be a nice end to a disturbing day, after Natsu would never sing something like… "I ejaculate fire!"

"FOR FUCKS SAKE!" Lucy slammed her forehead into the bar again, this time breaking the skin and letting blood flow.

Erza blinked, Gray blinked, Happy kept smiling, it now looked rather ominous though and Mira giggled "What an interesting song."

"A venomous fluid, Cantankerous druid, It kills when I breed, With my deth seed, CHECKMATE! The world dies when I procreate, A bloody mess, Bubbles with heat, Fear the splattering, Acidic de-mattering, IT BURNS! I'm fried to my loins, Testicular propane, TANKS EXPLODING!"

He nodded his head still violently playing his air guitar.

While Erza and Gray tried to process it and Lucy cried.

"I perpetuate bile, A build up congestion, Epidermal retention, My semen is flames, Flagellum is pain, Fuck fate! Earth's crushed from atomic weight, With a hardened thrust, Deep in the core, A seismic tunneling, A rhythmic pummeling, Incinerate, The molten rock, A rancid genetic cannon fire!" Erza was once again drawn into dirty thoughts, actually she was lost at 'rhythmic pummeling', all these sexually promiscuous songs were doing bad things to her not-innocent-beforehand mind.

Gray meanwhile had vanished over to where Cana sat and stole her barrel, intent on drinking to forget anything he had witnessed, and Lucy was still sobbing at her lost innocence while Mira and Happy clapped along.

"Mur-de-ring, knew-no-thing, OUTCAST! Choke-on-gas, kill-my-sperm!"

"Fate won't lead fast enough, Come coagulating blackness, When can I re-decorate? Save for me the glorious DETHTHREATS! Gasoline pumps through my heart, Poison coursing somewhere, Down in that place, I feel the anger pulse again, It's been building! It's been building! EXPLODE!"

In Erza's fantasies _something _exploded just then, but let's not go into that.

"Found my mission! Deth ambition! Exploitation! EXPLODE! Short edition! New tradition! Extradition! EXPLODE!"

Cana, who had wandered over from the heavily drinking Gray, walked right back to the heavily drinking Gray and joined him in the barrel. She had no clue what was going on but she wanted to forget it.

"Fucking fear is contagious! Go spread my flames so fellatious! Fucking fear is contagious! EXPLODE!" Natsu powered his air guitar some more "EXPLODE!" his face was strained as if in the middle of a desperate fight, or in the middle of something else desperate and trying not to _explode_, as it were "EXPLODE!" after a few more seconds, Natsu finally stopped his air guitar "Well that's my favorite song."

Happy clapped, Mira clapped, Lucy cried, Erza was still in the gutter, Gray was shit faced drunk.

It was a bad day for Fairy Tail's strongest(?) team, two were left mentally scarred, Gray and Lucy, one was left a drooling moron, Erza, only Natsu and Happy were unaffected. Plus Mira had all the blackmail she needed for a life time. A bad day indeed.

**Omake.**

Cana gulped down another pint "I see them come, I see them go, Been coming here since I don't know, Come to play, Here to talk, Or are they here to simply show, Sense of danger, Bunch of strangers, Simply staring 'cross the room, Pretty soon they'll taste the water, And it ought to change their tune, Shut the doors, The room is full and nobody leaves at all, Until the sun comes out to play, 'til then we blow ourselves away, At the markets of Gibraltar, They lock up your sons and daughters, But the reason they come back, Is what's been pouring out the tap" she gulped down a nearby shot "There's something in the water, like Oh! I think there's something in the water, like Oh! I try to stop me drinking it but now I come to think of it, There's something in the water, I can't say no. There's something in the water, like oh! I think there's something in the water, like oh! I try to stop me drinking it but now I come to think of it, There's something in the water, I can't say no."

"I'm downing it, She downing it, We drown ourselves in love, Hit the town and it's astounding me, She fits me like a glove, I'm downing it, She downing it, We drown ourselves in love. And love tastes good to me today" another beer was chugged down "I see them laugh, I see them cry, Been coming here since days gone by, Come to fight, Here to shout, Or are they here to simply pout, Lack of passion, Only fashion, People glancing 'cross the room, Pretty soon they'll taste the water, And it ought to change their tune, They take a sip and lick their lips, Start to shake their hips. Dance the night away, The gangsters put their knives away, The water drowns the fights away, I'm really liking life today, But don't let it confuse you when they wake, They'll all be back to usual."

"There's something in the water, like Oh! I think there's something in the water, like Oh! I try to stop me drinking it but now I come to think of it, There's something in the water, I can't say no. There's something in the water, like Oh! I think there's something in the water, like Oh! I try to stop me drinking it but now I come to think of it, There's something in the water, I can't say no."

"I'm downing it, She downing it, We drown ourselves in love, Hit the town and it's astounding me, She fits me like a glove, I'm downing it, She downing it, We drown ourselves in love. And love tastes good to me today, Yo, Wanna lose your marbles? Step to the bar, Smile at the bar girl, Ask for the glass of the tasty water, They only sell at the markets of Magnolia, It'll be sure to sort ya, Nights get longer, Days get shorter, Don't ask questions, Let's just knock it back, Say goodbye to tension."

There's something in the water, like Oh! I think there's something in the water, like Oh! I try to stop me drinking it but now I come to think of it, There's something in the water, I can't say no. There's something in the water, like Oh! I think there's something in the water, like Oh! I try to stop me drinking it but now I come to think of it, There's something in the water, I can't say no. There's something in the water, like Oh! I think there's something in the water, like Oh! I try to stop me drinking it but now I come to think of it, There's something in the water, I can't say no."

She nodded her head as the songs continued its beat till the end, and by that point she was rather buzzed.

Cana flicked over to the next song as Mira wandered over with a tray full of tankards, all for her, 'Let's be Fucking Stupid' sounded good.

* * *

Songs:

Lucy (Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie)

Mira (Closer by Nine Inch Nails)

Gray (Clothes Off by Gym Class Heroes)

Erza (Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off by Panic at the Disco)

Happy (Like a Boss by Lonely Island)

Natsu (I Ejaculate Fire by Dethklok)

Cana (Something in the Water by Example)

Wanna know something funny? I hate songfic's. I really, really hate people having songs in the centre of fics and I really really hate when people write a paragraph then have lyrics in bold.

I'm a hypocritical son of bastard, and I don't give a flying fuck, I'm fine being a hypocrite, at least I'm honest enough to admit that I am one, just think about all the other things I'm not honest enough to admit I am.

Anyway's... oh for those of you wondering I also considered some Emo rock for Natsu (perfect for him isn't it?) I was thinking Open Wounds by Skillet, and Jellal would be Don't Mess With Me by Temposhark. I did intend for this to include Jellal and be after the Grand Magic Games but in the end decided against that, this is set after Oracion Seis but before Edolas if you wanted to know. I also intended a far greater character pool but... five thousand odd words just for those fives is far too much.

If you hate this, that's fine, I'm good with that, if you like it drop me a review... or don't I don't mind too much, I mean I'd rather you do, I love reviews but if you don't feel like it or can't be bothered too then fine, I would ask though, that if you're going to favourite and/or follow this fic you could at least review, I mean you're logged in anyway even if you just say 'Nice' or 'Good' I still appreciate seeing a new review. Well enough moaning from me, toodles.


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